There were roadworks in the village. All was chaos: diggers roamed the streets; the road bristled with traffic cones and raised manhole covers threatened passing vehicles. Then, from he north, came Fast Car Man.
Where did he come from? No-one knew, but if it was more than 200m away he would have passed a sign saying “No Entry” and another sign showing “Diversion”, pointing to the right. Perhaps he came from beyond the sign, perhaps he missed it. Whatever occurred on that fateful morning, Fast Car Man came into the centre of the village fearing nothing, because Fast Car Man had The Knowledge.
Whether it was received through the words of the ancients, or vouchsafed via his GPS Navigator, Fast Car Man knew there was another way. A narrow way, beset with cobbles, and protected by The Sign, but there, free from traffic cameras, and known to important drivers with pressing business appointments.
Fast Car Man turned into the road, past The Sign ‘Play Street’, and over the mysterious 3 metre long white road marking bearing the mystical ‘7kmh’, for Fast Car Man was Late For Work, and drove an Expensive Vehicle. Which clearly conferred upon him the right to Drive as He Pleased.
But then Fast Car Man saw a Rogue Cyclist driving at the regulation 7km/h, right in the middle of the road, making overtaking impossible. Fast Car Man slowed to the speed of the Rogue Cyclist and revved his engine a couple of times, clearly communicating that as the driver of a Fast Car he was too important to be delayed. The Rogue Cyclist took no notice, but blatantly continued to drive on the speed limit.
There is always a way. As the Rogue Cyclist turned a corner, an empty parking space on the left hand side offered a chance. Fast Car Man could speed down there and brush the Rogue Cyclist aside with his two-ton vehicle. He nosed his car alongside The Rogue Cyclist… and glared at his adversary and gesticulated his demand that the Rogue Cyclist yield to the true master of the road, but the Rogue Cyclist kept going straight, forcing Fast Car Man to brake for a stationary car.
By now the main road was in sight, with prowling diggers and shunting trucks. Fast Car Man followed The Rogue Cyclist, ready remonstrate in the time-honoured way, but it was not to be. Rogue Cyclist turned left from the main road and into a gap alongside a large truck.
Fast Car Man decided to be lenient this time: he was late, and besides the truck was bigger than his car and might scratch it.
6 comments
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October 13, 2009 at 9:29 am
anna
Interesting. Can’t tell exactly the same story, but a similar one that also involves one of this “residential streets”. I was cycling slowly, uphill and in the middle of the road of such a (even one-way) street. A car was driving behind me and suddenly I a not so lovely voice from the car shouting “Was soll denn das da?” (“What’s up with you?”). Well, I said, first of all you are not allowed to drive through such a street (actually cars are only permitted as originating and terminating traffic) and if so then only at walking speed (I probably was even slightly faster than that). The woman waited a while, probably hadn’t expected such an answer and then said “but you still have to drive on the right”. “No, I don’t”, I said and continued cycling. First of all cycling on the far right would have been too dangerous, and they still couldn’t have overtaken me anyhow. I also could have added that cyclists are allowed to ride beside each other and in the contraflow direction in such “residential streets”, but somehow I didn’t want to be too preachy… However, yet another example of ignorance. They were breaking the law themselves and still complained about me although I behaved perfectly ok.
October 13, 2009 at 8:19 pm
spiderleggreen
Hilarious!
I suppose there is some risk to blocking a car, but cheers to those who, for the greater good, dare remind drivers that the road is not theirs alone.
I must admit that taking the lane and slowing cars down thrills me. I do try to do it, only when my safety may be a stake or if they’re on a side street that’s not meant as a through street. “What’s your rush?”.
October 13, 2009 at 8:45 pm
Chris E
Does the number plate really say DENIAL and was that deliberate?
Good bit of writing as always
October 16, 2009 at 3:42 pm
Andy in Germany
Thanks for the comments. Yes, there is a risk, but on a narrow play stret it’s minimal unless I fell off, and at 7km/h It’d be unlikely to cause me harm. and as spiderleggreen says, it’s worth it to remind drivers the road isn’t theirs alone, especially on a street designated as a safe place to play. As you say “What’s the rush?” If they want to drive fast, they can use the highway, but speed isn’t appropriate in a village. It felt good to remind them of this too.
Of course it also requires sheer brass neck, and I’ve got that in spades.
@Chris E: Yes it does say ‘denial’ I altered it on a computer as it seemed appropriate for high-powered sports car sold in the runup to peak oil.
October 18, 2009 at 10:45 pm
Frits B
Audi Man in a Mercedes?
October 19, 2009 at 10:52 am
Andy in Germany
Aha, you noticed the title…
I originally wrote it as that as the driver did indeed have four circles on his car, but when I re-read it, it sounded a bit snide somehow, so I went for the more general “Fast car man”. The picture is from a blog post I wrote ages ago when no-one read the blog, so I thought I could re-use it…