Give up: You’re too stupid.

This blog has been temporarily taken over by the ministry of propaganda to make an important announcement:

You are entirely powerless to change anything.

You are not individually created, deeply imaginative beings capable of finding solutions for yourselves, so stop trying. After much consultation with people who are more important than you, we have a far better understanding of any given issue. It is therefore pointless for you to research anything yourself: you cannot possibly understand it. Mainstream media can provide all your information. remain scared. Do not get involved in change.

You are not capable of developing your own localised low-cost solutions to environmental problems. If you want to care for the environment then you must buy products designed by the industry because they know a lot more than you. Riding a bike shows that you are different: invest your savings in a hybrid car so that we can keep the motor industry alive. Don’t get ideas about building your own beautiful house for less than it costs to buy a new car: buy an industry made eco-house for twice the cost of a normal home and take out a 30 year mortgage to cover it. Going ‘off grid’ is too difficult. Remember: you are not an expert, you are not creative. Buy more.

‘Living simply‘ means returning to the dark ages. Community is overrated. It is very important that you keep looking for more, bigger, better. Following desires implanted in you by marketers is freedom. Things that are free are of no value. Do not enjoy the sunset outside. Go and buy a plasma TV so you can watch films of sunsets, and get an even bigger one next year. It is important to keep up with your neighbours. Where you live is boring: go to exotic places for your holidays: this is the way to fulfilment. Do not develop meaningful relationships with friends over home-cooked food: go to expensive restaurants to be seen so that your social status is increased. And drive there. You can’t help the environment anyway, so stop trying. Loneliness is normal. Normal is good.

Big Business will look after you -as long as you do as you are told. Stay scared and buy things you don’t need. Accept the decisions of those in authority without question because they know much more than you. Do not think independently: you may decide to be different. Being different is difficult. People who live differently become labelled as strange and you don’t want to be strange. You want to be normal.

Thank you for your attention. Now go and buy things.

Found: One wreck…

Photographed on arrival at our home. It can only get better.

Hopefully this will soon be a beautiful bicycle for Beautiful wife. Eventually. We found it in a cellar where it’s languished for at least 12 years, unwanted and gradually gathering dust . It’s a bit of a wreck a complete wreck. It’ll be a while before we can even make it ridable. A few months ago I wouldn’t have looked twice, but talking with people here and reading things like the old bike blog have got me interested in having a go at a full bike makeover.

Those brakes will have to go. It needs dusting too...

And this will be a full makeover: the gears are shot, the bottom bracket is a mess , a complete crank is missing and the tyres are shredded, but it’s still what I’ve been looking for since I started the blog: a steel small framed bike with metal mudguards, a luggage rack, and most importantly, 26″ wheels. And it was free.

Ghastly colour scheme and remains of Bottom Bracket

Beautiful Wife has laid down one condition: I can do whatever I want with the components to make it ridable, but it needs to be a different colour. First. Before anything else. I’m in full agreement as I think the current scheme could frighten horses. She wants a dark coffee brown, matt. A friend has access to a paint shop and I’m waiting for him to cost some paint.

Front end with odd handlebars.

So that looks like my winter project. I’m no expert though so I’m open to suggestions and ideas: What would other people suggest I look out for? What would be a good place to start on the renovation? And what suggestions would other people have for replacement parts?

All suggestions gratefully received…

Sunset Ride

Coming home from the circus school with Eldest Son and JQ.

Apparently this is a highlight of JQ’s week: when I asked her mum if JQ would cycle home with us, she replied “She’s talked about this more than the circus school.”

Who dares drive through the depths of the mystery puddle?

This journey is 98% on traffic free roads or traffic calmed residential streets, otherwise it would be a near nightmare. As it was we delivered JQ bouncing with independence and the achievement of transporting herself home.

She wants to come again next week.

What’s in the box?

Many thanks to those who answered the questions in the last post: I’ll be working on the Xtracycle (and post how I do) as soon as I can, but that annoying thing called work is encroaching on reality again. It’s a bummer, but there you are. I’m also enjoying getting out on the bike(s) as we’re having a beautiful November right now, and I’ve a couple of other bike-related projects that I’ll tell you about when I have time to write about them.

And my birthday prresent was delivered yesterday…

Mwahahaa…

Achilles’ heel

The Xtracycle is a great bike, but this is the Achilles’ heel. The Free Radical kit doesn’t have an attachment for cantilever brakes, so I had to use a V-brake.  As I’m not about to throw away my very good shifter/brake levers to I had to try and fit this little beastie in to make the V-Brake on the back side fit with the cantilever-compatible levers up front. It’s called a  Travel Agent, and in theory it reduces the force produced by the levers so that the Xtracycle stops smartly but gently when I pull the lever, instead of locking the back wheel and throwing me over the handlebars. The problem is that it’s a pain to adjust, and usually results in the rear brake being as effective as a bowl of jelly. Usually I end up using the adjuster at the front to get any bite out of the thing at all. So I’m wondering about alternatives. If anyone has any pearls of wisdom in response to these questions, please feel free to comment:

1. The point is to reduce the force on the brake blocks/wheel when using cantilever levers. Is there another, less awkward way of doing this, like another piece of kit to fit on the cable?
2. Is there a way to fit cantilevers on an Xtracycle?
3. There is an adjustable travel agent. Could this mitigate the problem?
4. Am I missing the point? Do V-Brakes simply feel soggy compared to Cantilevers?
5. And the potentially dumb question: I know it goes against all published wisdom, but what difference would it make if I just used the v-brakes directly from the brake lever, (Especially as it’s on the back of a long heavy bike, not the front) Would it just lock the back wheel?

Happy Shadows

Riding home with happy boys on the Xtracycle after a long playtime in the next town (The playaground is bigger than in our village). If you haven’t guessed this week was a break from work to be with the boys and fix all the things in the house we’ve not got around to since we moved in summer. I’ll be back next week with details of this and other stuff. Happy cycling and thanks for reading along…

The Bill

Aarg.. sometimes someone tells a story so well, I’m just envious.

This is in German but with English subtitles. Wait until the end, it’s worth it.

(Via the European Christian Environment Network)

Xtra Variety

A few months ago Eldest Son decided he wanted to go to the circus school where he can practice dangerous stuff like tightrope walking, trapeze, juggling, and unicycling. As the boys climb up anything to big to throw anyway this seems a natural progression, so we readily agreed. Only one problem: the circus school is 5km away, and starts at 1400 on Thursday afternoon, while Stephan finishes ‘normal’ school at 1305. Of course that’s “Why you need a car”. Or an Xtracycle.

Part one: On a normal day Eldest Son will walk home on his own like most other German children, but that would take too long on Thursdays so he’s Xtracycled across the village. This is already seen as a bit odd by some people, mostly the ones using a 2 tonne SUV to do the same thing. What really annoys them, of course, is that we’re faster.

Part two comes after lunch: Eldest Son on the back of the Xtracycle, Eldest Son’s bike pulled behind at speeds its rear hub probably never managed before. I could haul Eldest Son there and back on the Xtracycle, but the point is that he will be independently mobile, so I prefer him to ride back under his own power.  Besides, he’s heavy. Another point where I get funny looks: my son routinely spends two hours in a circus school, then cycles five kilometres home (with uphill sections) and then completes his homework. Can children really survive such gruelling treatment? I sometimes get looks from drivers when we arrive at the circus school, although that may be more to do with the sheer length of the rig.

With Eldest Son dispatched into the circus school, the Xtracycle is transformed from Tow Truck  to Stylish Commuter Vehicle for  part three: the ride into the centre of town where I catch up on emails and other writing stuff for work in the local library, away from things like telephones and other evil distractions like the internet.

Here’s what Ostfildern considers to be adequate bike parking: five uncovered bike stands outside the town hall, centrepiece of a new town the politicians call a “Showpiece of low impact building” which goes to show that you can generally be sure the truth is about the opposite of what governments tell you. The Town Hall itself is a monolith so surreally and expensively awful it really deserves a blog post of its own. If the Xtracycle looks miffed it’s because it was standing in the cold and rain for two hours while I was in the warm library.

Circus school over, it’s part four: pick up Eldest Son and one of his Friends (Henceforth known as JQ) and ride with them to our village- it saves her mum an extra trip. They ride their own bikes and their bags go on the Xtracycle. As we ride at about 10km/h I don’t notice the difference in weight. I’ve got into trouble in the past for using vehicular cycling when riding with Eldest Son’s friends. Why is this a problem, you ask? Because although vehicular cycling is entirely legal it seems it isn’t well-known in Germany so other parents take a dim view of some of the ways we ride. Especially when I ignore signs like this.

It’s a tough life. JQ and Eldest Son climbing the hill we call ‘the long drag.’ between villages. Some days there’s a vicious headwind here as well. Eldest Son is a speck in the distance, as usual.

Remarkably both did manage to survive the ordeal, and finished their homework.  JQ was even heard to say she really enjoyed the ride, and wants to do it again next week.

Just one more thing…

Yesterday Beautiful Wife and myself celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary. Eleven years after we met in the UK, and many people reacted to our engagement with disbelief that two young people from the UK and Japan could ever see each other again, let alone organise a life together, we’ve three fantastic boys and a lot of dreams for the future. And she’s more beautiful than ever…

I love you M, thanks for a great nine years…

[If you're wondering what the picture is, it's a Celtic two-chord design, each chord forming one half of the heart, intertwined at the top and the point.]

Bike Envy

This is an unusually short post for me, but the German Special Bike Exhibition Blog has just added an entry on the new Terracycle CargoMonster. Even with the Bakfiets I still love the Xtracycle for its flexibility and speed, not least its ability to climb hills faster than an elderly tortoise, so I use it all the time. If I could afford a Terracycle, and get it through some of our narrow local bike lanes I’d be very tempted.

On balance it’s probably best that I can’t: even a German Garage can only take so many bikes…